My LDR partner keeps claiming non hierarchy with their NP... But I am begining to feel the strain of a LDR, as it's becoming to feel like a one way (very hierarchal) street. I always travel to meet them, but it seems that the last few times that we plan on getting them to travel to me, something comes up where they don't want to leave their NP, so I adjust my plans and go to them... I understand my LDR's Meta has stuff going on, and I understand that my LDR doesn't want to leave their NP or polycule incase something bad happens... But I am struggling with my emotions about it. One being told that NP and I are equal, but also being told their needs have to come over mine, really sucks... As LDR and I only see each other maybe once a month, I highly value that time we get to spend together. Now I have to grieve that lost time because of yet another melt down or life event... Yes, I know I am being "selfish" on that part, and I hate that feeling, that's what I am struggling with most. I feel like a piece of shit for being upset over the lost time.

Does anyone else have something similar going on in their poly life? Any suggestions on how to release the urge to grieve the loss of time you cherish with your partner?