Edited to replace letter Z, with fake name Lee per bot suggestion

My partner, Lee, and I have been together for 7 months. They were with their ex for almost 4 years and lived together. We met 5 months after they split. I was wary at the beginning that it was still too fresh. And also they are in therapy and working hard on their stuff.

Still, Lee has a lot of wounding from that relationship that regularly shows up in our dynamic. Their ex was controlling and never allowed space for Lee to have feelings. Lee has a hard time naming their feelings now, and also reacts if I communicate anything approximating jealousy because of this history. We process these things a lot, but it can be a lot for me to manage. Also, when there is a noteable event — their ex’s bday or their anniversary — Lee gets into a funk for days.

Lee casually dropped information that they are meeting up with their ex in a couple of days and was in a low mood because of it. I figured they had to talk about some possessions that still lingered. When I asked about the impetus, Lee said they were the one that initiated it and they don’t even fully know why. They then rambled a bit searching for an explanation. They are clearly struggling with it and I’m guessing hoping that they will get some sort of closure.

It surprised me Lee was surprised I would have any feelings about it. We didn’t get into it because I wanted to leave the focus on them sharing with me how they felt about it, and because my neurodivergence shows up as being a delayed processor.

But it doesn’t feel good. It feels like Lee is not considering the toll this already takes on our relationship, and didn’t consider how it would land with me at all. Any advice or thoughts?

Also — I don’t worry they will get romantic again, but realize that would be too hard for me. So i guess we need to address all of these possibilities.