My wife and I have been together 10 years married 3 and recently have opened up to enm. It all started with a threesome that led to a relationship between my wife and her partner, also my friend. It all happened so quickly and going from longstanding monogamy has been a challenge especially on my side. In additon to the relationship change I made some major changes in my life including diet and quitting weed which i had used heavily for over a decade. The culmination has had a major impact on my mental health. By all accounts I was not taking these changes well and was really struggling with jelaousy and Insecurity, and this became more and more evident the closer my wife got to her other partner. After reading polywise and polysecure it became glaringly apparent how enmeshed and codependent we were. and enjoying her newfound independence, my wife laid down some bounties and changes I'm having a hard time dealing with. For one we are trying to take a day a week as independent days, with the idea that when we reconnect the next day we can be closer. for her she is hanging out with people, going to events, ect and she really seems to enjoy the freedom, for me I'm filled with dread the night before, the day of, and even during our reunion. I feel almost forced away just trying to keep myself distracted enough to make it through the day. I'm just stuck focused on the fact that It feels highly disconnecting, I mean we used to do almost everything together now it feels like almost nothing. In addition my new work schedule means our lives further diverge making time together harder to come by. We used to have a sort of ritual of going to bed together but between her desire to hang out with new friends and my early work schedule it feels like that's fallen to the wayside. We have tried to work out a compromise but I guess I just doing feel prioritized like I used to and it's a difficult change. It feels like she found herself but I lost myself.

I am trying to focus on hobbies and things I like but I'm still in a state of adhedonia most of the time I think largely due to chemical imbalance from weed abuse. I want to feel happy for her I really do, and I know we both love each other very much but I'm feeling constantly disconnected. This forms a bit of a negative feedback loop which makes me depressed and even less connected which makes me more depressed ect. My feelings are a big jumbled mess and I'm seeing a therapist but I'm just super anxious and I just want to have that feeling of closeness and security with my wife again, I'm trying to rebuild those feelings but sometimes it feels like we take one step forward and get pushed two steps back. Balancing independence and partnership sure feels like a challenge