Hey everyone I was kind of looking for some advice or validation or maybe just to vent to strangers without hurting my partners feelings.

I’ve been struggling with a whirlwind of feelings about everything. My girlfriend is polyamorous and has dated people here and there throughout our relationship. They were usually pretty short term flings and i was always so excited for her when she was out on dates or spending the weekend with someone. I don’t consider myself poly, I’m much more of a swinger/cuckold. I’m open to the possibility in the future but I clearly have some things to work through before I jump into anything serious. I guess you could say I’m poly-curious.

She’s recently started dating someone and it’s going well they have a lot of fun together and I enjoy seeing how happy she is. The thing is I have a hard time seeing her being intimate with him. Not sexual intimacy, more snuggles and hugs and stuff like that. I don’t get mad but it definitely makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. So much so that last time he was dropping her off I left the room when they said goodbye to each other. He’s a good guy and I’ve known him a long time. So all of a sudden these feelings popping up is strange. I’ve always enjoyed spending time around him but now I find myself kind of avoiding him.

I feel like some of my insecurities are being brought up because usually after her dates she needs a little time to just unwind and be by herself. But for me I feel like I need some reassurances and connection so her being by herself right afterwards always makes me feel like I’m unwanted or annoying even though logically I know she’s just being herself. This relationship does seem like it’s more serious than her previous ones so maybe there’s something in that.

It’s awful because it’s kind of a constant up and down between being happy and excited about what’s next to being afraid and want it to stop. Am I being crazy? I just want to figure out why I feel so different this time and what I can do to feel more secure and how to bring this up in a way that will be helpful.

Thank you for reading I hope I made sense.