This community has helped me so much. I don’t have a big, real-life poly community. So I hope you don’t mind me leaning on you now.

I had to break up with my boyfriend. I’m crushed. I know it was the right decision long-term. He was my first poly relationship, first new relationship in my 30’s. First person to make me cum (I hope that’s not TMI).. So many firsts. I learned so much. I will carry it with me.

But right now I’m just incredibly sad and dreading the time it will take, where I have to adapt to the transition of not being with him. We were together a year.

I had to leave because he would treat me as disposable when his wife’s stress got high. It was a fear response from him. Blah blah blah. Fine. But I love myself enough that I couldn’t stay. I deserve better.

I will miss him desperately.

But I won’t miss the fear of a last-minute cancellation. I won’t miss the fear of being vetoed. I won’t miss the disrespect of my time and my trust. I won’t miss the future-faking I allowed myself to believe. I won’t miss the minimization of my concerns. I won’t miss being an unpaid counsellor regarding his marriage and his life.

Thanks for the advice you gave me along the way. I had to delete my past posts because a good friend found me on Reddit and identified me from them. But the moment made me see the trend of my posts- it was me outsourcing emotional care because my boyfriend wasn’t giving it.

I gave myself permission to respect myself. I’ve made space in my life by doing this. Hopefully it means I have room for something good.

Thanks in advance for the hugs!