Hello! So I am polyamorous and I am feeling a bit anxious about the idea of being a parent one day while also being polyam. I have wanted to be a mother since I was a baby myself. It’s something that has always seemed inevitable as part of my future. Fast forward to my late 20’s and the desire is still as strong as ever, but the element of being polyamorous has been added. I’ve been doing some form of non-monogamy since 2016 and feel that I understand my place in the polyam world, etc.

I’m finding myself nervous when thinking about how I can be both a parent and have the relationship types/styles I desire.

One question I have is, when you have kids, do you still get to go spend the night with your other partners sometimes? Little kids get upset and get separation anxiety. Plus, if you leave, now all the responsibility of watching the kids is on the partner that is home with them. I think it’s fine for parents to give each other breaks and take on the kids themselves sometimes, but I worry about accidentally putting too much on a partner. (I’ve previously dealt with partners who would not communicate their needs and I think that contributes to my fear of accidentally overwhelming someone) I also just really enjoy sleepovers with my partners outside of my own home and I worry I won’t be able to do those at all or they will be extremely rare when/if I have kids.

I don’t currently have a nesting partner or a partner who wants to coparent with me so I have plenty of time to think about this, but I think about it too much lol and I would like to know how realistic my fears are.