So…oooooffff I’m heartbroken y’all. My partner and I are new to poly and I met this guy, Bleu. He and I got along very well and we started dating, going for full V kinda relationship with my partner Grey.

Well…this last week Bleu started getting really distant and strange, not responding to my texts and giving one word answers, flaking on dates, just absolute 180 from how we had been leading up to this point. For context, I’m autistic and have trouble with social cues and do better generally speaking when people are brutally honest with me, so this sudden change in behaviour had me severely deregulated.

Tonight, after he flaked on me three times during the week, asking to reschedule, citing some stuff he was going through with his ex-wife, I broke down, saying I understand if this particular situation just isn’t allowing us to see each other, or if it’s how he’s feeling about me. For more context, I’ve been quarantining and testing for Covid all week after my NP and my roommate tested positive, and thankfully I’ve been negative every day during the week. As a consequence though, I’ve been very touch starved and dysphoric.

When I got emotional and asked what was wrong/if something had changed he just said that I’m fine there’s nothing wrong, and I expressed that I felt like something more was going on. He admitted to me that he didn’t feel as intensely about me as I do him, and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, and all of our previous interactions were just humouring me, and that I’d be fine because I have a primary nesting partner.

And so now I’m just sitting in my best friend’s apartment on their couch bawling my eyes out feeling like absolute shit. Is this normal ? Can autistic people do polyamory effectively ? Was there something wrong from the beginning ? I just feel so heartbroken and betrayed.

Thanks for reading this sad trans girls sad post. I would appreciate any insight you all have to add.

UPDATE: he sent me a text this morning saying that he was sorry for how deregulated the situation had me last night, and that he wishes he was the person to help me be in a better place, but he needs more time to know someone to feel that kind of intensity in a relationship. I replied and said he had nothing to be sorry for as I wasn’t asking anything of him and just wanted/needed clear communication, and it’s on me to find people capable of that, and not on him, and that it’s also clear we are on different levels when it comes to relational and emotional intelligence, as I don’t and cannot see people as easily discarded distractions, told him to take care, and that’s that.

Thank you so much for all of your responses, I’ll try and respond to each individually as they really did help change my perspective on the whole situation !