This is just to vent and perhaps some friendly support/advice on where do I go next.

I (43GQ) and Kitty (38NB) have been together for just over a year. Although I was aware that Kitty was married and that our relationship might not allow for cohabitation or legal marriage, she has understood my feelings regarding nesting and other aspects of our life together. I realize I’ve been living in a sort of fantasy bubble, pushing these thoughts to the back of my mind—until yesterday.

I mentioned to Kitty that my stepdad had asked a couple of awkward times when we would get married (I haven’t come out to my family about my polyamorous lifestyle). She laughed it off, and we ended up discussing marriage in general. She shared that her own marriage was based on practical reasons rather than love, and that really struck a chord with me.

I know she is deeply committed to me, loves me very much, and encourages me to explore relationships with other people, including the possibility of a future nesting partner. However, I always held on to a glimmer of hope for something more. This conversation has made me reflect on our relationship and where I see it heading. I love her dearly and can’t imagine breaking up with her, but I’m uncertain about our future direction.

I suppose I need to take some time over the next few days to carefully consider my next steps.

Edited: I’m not seeking advice on Kitty’s marriage, as I understand that I cannot marry her or live with her; we’ve had this conversation several times before yesterday.

What I am looking for is guidance on how to manage my expectations and how to reframe my relationship with Kitty in a more positive way. Thank you