I'm finding myself caught between two rules of thumb here, and I wanted to see an outside perspective on it.

I (26NB) recently made friends with Aspen (27M), and it's been pretty nice. We're both partnered and poly and the thought of asking him on a date has been on my mind. It's pretty rare for me to find someone attractive like this, so I'm excited by the prospect. But I'm also really vibing with him as a friend.

To make it more complex, I wanted to do some self-work before deliberately seeking out dates, though I'm open to something developing organically anytime (and hoping this isn't just a crush clouding my judgement). I'm recovering from a bad poly breakup and processing it through therapy, and I've made it a goal to strengthen my poly support network. Aspen seems like a great person to add to that network, since he's very understanding and a great listener. I think he'd be a safe person to open up to about the bad poly breakup someday.

However, I also feel like it's important to keep relationship hygiene, and the bad poly breakup story involves my nesting partner, so I hesitate to vent to him about it in case it colors his impression of someone who may become his meta one day if things go well.

As a result, I feel like I've become weirdly cagey about the subject of polyamory even though it's something we have in common, and the cause is that I like him a lot. I sense (maybe hope is the better word) that he might be in a similar place, since we've had a few sort-of-flirting interactions and he also tends to focus on talking about just him and me rather than his partners/history.

Aspen isn't the only possible person I could add to my poly friend support network, nor is he the only person I could possibly date, so it isn't the end of the world either way.

Would you recommend I solidly commit to one versus the other? i.e.

• Open up about my breakup, stop considering him a potential partner, and build a friendship with him that doesn't involve my nesting partner?
• Tell him I don't really wanna talk about my bad poly breakup, keep flirting with him, and hope that this isn't offputting?

Or, is there a good way to navigate being open and vulnerable about my poly journey, while also not creating awkwardness if I do end up dating him later?