Elaborating on my comment on another post. I've noticed lately that the expression "poly under duress" gets tossed around in situations where there's no duress involved, just hurt feelings.

It used to refer to a situation where someone in a position of power made someone dependent on them "choose" between polyamory or nothing, when nothing was not really an option (like, if you're too sick to take care of yourself, or recently had a baby and can't manage on your own, or you're an older SAHP without a work history or savings, etc).

But somehow it expanded to mean "this person I was mono with changed their mind and wants to renegotiate". But where's the duress in that, if there's no power deferential and no dependence whatsoever? If you've dated someone for a while but have your own house, job, life, and all you'd lose by choosing not to go polyamorous is the opportunity to keep dating someone who doesn't want monogamy for themselves anymore.

I personally think we should make it a point to not just call PUD in these situations, so we can differentiate "not agreeing would mean a break up" to "not agreeing would destroy my life", which is a different, very serious thing.

What do y'all think?