I have been with my partner for 16 months and he has been with my meta for 3 yrs. Initially we were all spending one evening a week together, she spent time with my kids and I loved it this way. Then I did somethong that upset her (which I tried to apologise for and make right) but she insisted that we go full parallel. Since then I feel like I click between two different lives. The happy one where I have a beautiful time with my partner and the other one where I feel like I shouldnt exist. My partner gets sad that I dont talk to him much on those days but I am scared to send messages because I know he wont be able to reply without making an excuse to go to the bathroom. I feel like the dirty secret affair knowing that she can only tolerate him being with me because I am totally hidden from her.