I posted on this subreddit a few months ago, with a post about my then boyfriend. I am still 21NB, and he is now 23M.

It didn't go well in the months it took after that post to our breakup, his overwhelmingly bad polyamory just overtaking everything. We went from being partners who were very dedicated to eachother (for the first 6 months of the relationship), to him having a new partner and becoming a new hinge, for the other 2 and a half years to be him being an awful hinge. Like I wish I had taken the advice of my previous post into much earlier consideration.

But we were at an event a few months ago now, and something had happened, and when I arrived to meet up with him and his bf, I can only describe with being very unwelcomed with a look of pure disgust and hate. I won't go into details, but that was like walking into a wall of harsh reality. He didn't love me as a partner, and hadn't for some time. I ended up leaving after being told to go find someone, flirt, hang out, kiss them, because my makeup was too nice to spend with him.

So I did. And I got very, very drunk and ended up going back to a party at a friend's place and stopping there. The next day, when I arrived back at my house, I sent a breakup message explaining everything I had felt for the last little while, and whilst I was happy to work on it, I knew that neither of us would have had the time and dedication towards it.

So it ended there. No 'I love you's or 'we can work on it because we still love eachother'. He basically said okay, thanks for being a friend.

And that's a relationship update, but I think I am scared off polyamory for myself for a while. I will always be happy to support healthy polyamory, but my own experiences will forever taint it when it comes to myself. I don't know that if I will ever be confident in myself if I was ever part of a polyamorous relationship, hell even in a monogamous one.

And like, an issue with this is that I would really like to go on a date with this one girl (she/it). She seems so sweet, and I am pretty sure that it is looking for a secondary partner, if she's even looking for one. But, I don't think that I would be the healthiest to date atm.

This is mainly a rant, but like if anyone wants to comment, go ahead?? I'm more than happy to give a little more insight into my relationship with my ex (and just rant for longer), but I do know that he is active on reddit, not sure his account, but he reads his feed stories on a night as a sort of routine I guess?? But that last bit of info is like 2 years old seeing as we haven't slept in the same bed apart from like 4 times in the past 2 years, and those 4 times, I've fallen asleep first.