My brain's going a million miles an hour, I apologize in advance if this is messy. I'm really needing to vent and also just get any support or advice.

So I (27F) recently broke up with my primary E(43M) after a little less than 3 years together. This was one of my hardest breakups to ever initiate since it wasn't due to a a severely toxic situation, and instead a slow steady stream of little things that just built up to be too much.

Like most of my previous partners, I was E's introduction into poly. He was actually quite excited to not have a "constantly jealous" partner as he put it. He enjoyed the freedom, and always said our openness was what made us so strong. It just seemed it was usually just me being honest, and I'd only tend to find out about other partners if they themselves contacted me, or I happened to see message previews on his phone. It was like pulling teeth half the time just to get answers. I just wanted honesty, it helps in my own risk assessments, and just honesty is good policy.

On top of that, E has severe ADHD, that he has refused to get medicated for. So I constantly found myself reminding him to do everything, and we didn't even live together. It was to the point I had been clipping his nails for him because he otherwise just let them grow too long and break. He just got accustomed to me doing things for him. And then the constant not thinking before he speaks. He had recently kept just making cruel comments without seemingly meaning too (like literally commenting on my stretchmarks post sad coitus while still in me) and I just had enough.

I love him, but love just isn't enough. I've been taking care of my older family members (mom and now paternal grandma) since I was 15. I want a partner, not another adult child.

I drove the hour to his house like I have been doing weekly for the past 3 years (he doesn't drive), and gave him the decency of an in person breakup. I cried the whole time. I'd been crying on and off the whole week prior trying to decide if this was right to do. It actually went well. He kept saying things "well I said sorry for that", "I didn't think it was such a big deal", "well i stopped trying because you take too long to orgasm"(in reply to our intimacy problems).

I told him that at the end of the day, I don't deserve to constantly feel like I'm having to take care of someone who doesn't seem to care half the time, that he doesn't deserve to have an emotional partner who just feels resentful all the time, I don't deserve a partner who won't be up front and i only find out about things looking at his phone (recently saw nudes of his coworker when he asked me to google something for him when my phone was dead), and he doesn't deserve to have a partner who feels like she has to periodically check his phone just to keep up with his life. This was when he disclosed to me that he had been hooking up with her unprotected.

With all that, part of me still struggles with having to make that decision and stick too it. I'm also feeling the struggle of trying to keep it together while I visit my other partner H(33m). I quite honestly am being a bad hinge because I keep breaking down crying at random. So here is where I come in asking for support:

1. Do I have any right to even be upset about the coworker situation? I still struggle with what actually does and doesn't count as cheating in poly.

2. Is it abnormal that I feel that I'm a horrible person in this situation?

3. Is it abnormal to feel guilt when I'm having happy moments with H? I'm feeling shitty that my mind keeps drifting when were together at the moment.

Sorry I may sound like a dumb bish, and also thank you for reading.