So I am writing this for all the people that are dealing with similar issues with the hope to give them strength to move on and find better relationships. My story is that recently, around 3 months back, I started seeing one of my partners that I was with for 8 months starting to pull out of our relationship while starting to have NRE with a new partner. Me being anxious and never experienced something similar or a partner falling out of love or acting avoidant(I know lucky me, just always broke up for other actual meaningful reasons 😆), I panicked a bit, got in my head a lot about what I was doing wrong and tried my best to be present and loving, talking about the situation. It just went worse, my now ex, kept taking distance, pulling excuses why she was not feeling romantic or being confused and at some point growing cold even about being phisical but still saying that I was a great partner. Resonates at all? I tell you more, at some point not having sex for a couple weeks she asked me to de-escalate. Fortunately my other partners where there to support me and the reddit community helped a lot, I wrote here a few times asking if that was normal for some poly people, and got a lot of insights on other people experiences and ideas. That pushed me in the direction that really my heart didn't want to take, meaning figuring out the situation and break up no contact.

I learned a lot and I tell you this, if you are in this situation or similar, hell even if your partner is suddenly not putting the commitment you expect from a healthy relationship with you, showing up for you, being close and interested on the levels that you find important in a relationship, if they start acting undecided or whatever they are doing that is making you feel bad and you know that it's not you or your interpretation but they are mining your relationship, breaking non-negotiables for a healthy and stable relationship, break up with them and don't waste your time! It's not your place to help them being a better person for you. I know it's a hard thing to hear and I know some people will think that this comes from a place of hurt, and sure, part of it is a cautionary story for me, but mostly not. I just see too many people reaching for help on this sub trying to cling to their toxic, avoidant or emotionally unavalable partners and it pains me to see that because I see myself in their shoes not too long ago. If your partner cares or wants to have a relationship they would do their part, don't try to cope for them. You are not doomed, and as close as you were you will find other people that can give you what makes you happy in a relationship, trust me! Just the fact that you are doing so much to try to save your relationship, asking for help, means you are a strong person that is worth having in a relationship. So move on, detach, go no contact and focus on yourself and the people that actually want you in their life. Life is way too short to waste time trying to make things work with someone that is not completely invested.

I hope this helps and take care of yourselves!