Idk how to deal with these feelings. Ive never had to decide what is emotional cheating to me.

In my last post I asked if it was ok to have the messy list include friendships or if it's just about sex/dating. It was pointed out that upholding that boundary while my partner wasn't enthusiastic about it was basically showing I didn't trust her, so I told her it was ok to be her friend but she's still on the messy list for sex/dating.

So they hung out yesterday and she told me about it. I'm gunna ask she don't share certain details in the future, but I can't unheard what's she's told me. They talked about how they still have feelings for eachother. They cried and physically comforted eachother, not sexually just physically.

They're both asexual leaning. They would both be fine dating someone they never have sex with once. I obviously want to know if they have sex because that would be a dealbreaker for me, but what if they fall into something that's basically romantic but they're just not calling it that because of the messy list.

I trust my partner wouldn't intentionally overstep my boundaries but right now I don't even know what my "emotionally cheating" boundaries look like. I can't effectively communicate them. Friends can get incredibly affectionate. Friends can snuggle and watch sappy movies. Friends can seek comfort about their relationship issues. Friends can tell eachother they love eachother.

Does anyone have any advice or literature about emotional cheating in poly, or any personal experience to share what happened and how you resolved it? Or even a good artical on emotional cheating without it being specifically about poly would be helpful. Or how you deal with boundaries when you don't know what your boundary is.

Someone once told me "sometimes you don't know someone's boundaries until you bump them" and it's been so impactful. I don't blame people the first time they bump a boundary they don't know about. But when this boundary gets bumped I know I'm going to cry. I'd rather communicate something than wait and see.