back in February my girlfriend ash used to date a girl, elm, that was kinda abusive to her.

at the same time i was hooking up with ash. i was also in a situationship with elm and she wasnt abusive to me but she did hurt me.

ash and i bonded talking about how elm hurt us. ash broke up with elm and i ended things with elm a week later.

the next month ash and i started dating.

elm lovebombed ash and got her way obsessed. it was a really big deal for ash to end things. elm still has feelings for ash but im pretty sure she hates me.

there was this other girl oak is the ringleader of our local friend group (edit for clarity host of a 100 person group) who sexually harrassed all three of us. last month ash and i got in a fight about oak when ash left the friendgroup and i didnt. ash said she wanted to talk to elm because elm was the only other person who understands what oak did. in the middle of the fight things were heated and i said that being friends with elm was a dealbreaker for me and she said it was ok.

but that was the middle of the fight. just now elm messaged ash saying shes back from summer vacation and wants to hang out.

now that were not in a fight it feels really controlling to say i dont want ash to be friends with elm. elm hurt me and im not over it, plus elm is a manipulator who probably hates me and im worried that she'll try to manipulate ash again. shes on our no-fly-list and thats not in dispute, ash currently has no interest in getting back with elm only being friends again. is it ok to have a no-friend-list?

edit for clarity: i didnt say she cant. i said i wont be in a relationship with someone who is friends with elm. shes choosing not to because of it. it makes me feel controlling anyway, since now shes asking me to change my boundary.