I’ve been seeing someone for 3.5 months (who i’ll call Bee) and i’ve really fallen for her. But things are now feeling complicated.

When we started dating, Bee didn’t have any partners (nor did i). Our preliminary agreement was that we would tell each other if we started to see someone consistently and revisit it if either of us had additional requests.

She is new to poly. I am less new but still learning. She has a best friend, Lee, that she described to me early on as almost like a partner. I asked a few weeks ago if they had ever been sexual. They hadn’t, but Bee said they have talked about it and might explore it in the future. She asked if i had any feelings about that. I have always erred on the side of total transparency with her. So i said, well, a part of me feels afraid that given how close they are, if they finally add in sexual dynamics she could realize she just wants a monogamous relationship with her friend. She assured me that wouldn’t happen. I appreciated her telling me that and expressed my trust.

After this talk I felt some subtle shifts of her starting to be a bit avoidant when i expressed my feelings for her openly (after having asked me to do this more). I shared this and she said it’s true. Her last relationship ended in part because her partner was very jealous of her relationship with Lee, and my anxiety triggered her to be concerned it would happen again.

Last week we were talking about what we want to communicate and anything we don’t. She said she didn’t want to have to communicate if something shifted within an existing relationship. I asked if she meant her best friend, and she said yes. She asked what i thought and I said I would like to know about that sort of shift, as it feels like a big change and just helps me to know what’s going on in her life. She understood and said she hadn’t thought of it that way. I also said i might be making up a story, but it sounds to me like things could have already changed in their dynamic. She said, well, they have now agreed the door is open to hooking up but it hasn’t happened yet. Something is feeling weird about this to me and now i find myself getting really insecure.

She really likes me and says this a lot. I can’t tell if it’s my own jealousy or something else. w do i do? I don’t want to trigger her worries from their past relationship or put my stuff on them. But also I feel like they aren’t being totally transparent which feels really important.