My partner and I do regular overnights together and we have an agreement about having a little time somewhere in the evening to check our phones. This allows us to check in with our spouses, say goodnight, and attend to any other business that might need to be taken care of. When these are kept to texts only, it works well for both of us.

However, on a couple of occasions, they have wanted to do a quick phone call to work out some logistics with their spouse. I wouldn’t say these are “emergencies,” but maybe they have to pay a bill by the morning or pick up something for the other person. Neither of us have children. One time the phone call was so that their spouse could vent about trouble they were having with their other partner.

When this happens, I can usually feel my body start to tense up. I feel annoyed. I feel salty. I feel unreasonable. I make judgments about whether or not this phone call was actually an emergency.

We have talked about this, and I can’t rationally explain why these phone calls bother me.

Have other people have had similar reactions, and how do they deal with them?