Hi everyone,

This evening me and my partner had a conversation about the nature of our open relationship. We are in a closed poly quad and sexually open.

The dynamic in the relationship has always been that I've wanted more sexual openness than she does. This usually has resulted in her imposing rules on what I can and can't do. These have left me feeling increasingly frustrated. More recently, I've been asking her what the rules mean for her and if there are anxieties which she is managing with them.

Today she said that she has felt that I've been pushing back against her 'boundaries' and that I should just accept them. It left me feeling a bit like I'd done something wrong in asking her about these rules but then I spoke with my other partner who said I'm allowed to do that.

I think part of the issue comes from conflating rules and boundaries. I wouldn't question any boundaries she set for herself but I feel I am allowed to ask about the purpose / meaning of rules which restrict my own behaviour.

I'd appreciate any thoughts people have.

Recent examples:
So the case which kicked this evening's discussion off was that I'm going to a festival soon for 4 days. There will be a playspace at the festival and she's said she'd like me to only engage with the playspace on 1 day.

A recent example was that I wanted to have a hookup with someone whilst visiting my hometown last week. She said no to this because I had had a hookup the week before and she wants at least a 2 week gap between them.