I (42f) am heartbroken that I think the only way forward is to break up with my first poly relationship of 2 years (50m). I love him still but I don't see how I can trust him anymore. I feel so isolated and don't really have anyone to talk with about this.

For the first year I was the only person he was seeing regularly outside of his spouse (52nb). He was so loving, emotionally present, and I felt thoroughly seen. On our one year anniversary he pressured me extensively to have sex without a condom (both of us had agreements with our spouses to use them). I held firm but it really hurt. That night too he poked fun at my fears of abandonment.

Shortly after, he started seeing someone new. That was ok except that soon after he let me know he had spent the night with her, which he had always implied was off the table with me. I told him this made me feel a bit insecure and asked whether this changed our dynamic at all, he told me to drop the insecurities. I felt emotionally abandoned and was really hurt for a long while and stopped raising relationship problems until more recently after a lot of therapy.

Shortly after this, he told me he has always had sex without condoms with his lovers behind his spouses back and never told them. That it had stopped around when he started seeing me. This is the worst, and I'm not sure why or how I decided to move past this. We made agreements that he would tell me if he had unprotected sex with others. And did a lot to repair this massive trust rupture, though I suppose it was mostly me trying to convince myself that people can change.

Recently I've been doing a lot of therapy and have accepted that my feelings about things are valid and I shouldn't have to sweep them under the rug to make others happy. So I shared some of my more recent concerns with him and he was pretty great about it honestly. That felt good.

But then a couple dates ago he told me he was in negotiations with his spouse to start unprotected sex with others (all partners but me) with spouses approval. I was told this was because he are "too emotionally intimate". We did not change our agreement that he would disclose this change in risk.

Well...Friday just before I was about to go down on him I asked if anything had changed. Then he told me. But, he didn't initiate telling me. When I told him that felt like a violation and a broken agreement he told me he had forgotten and also didn't know when to bring it up. When I told him I'd like him to handle those talks with care, love and consideration because it does hurt when he can do this with other partners but not me, he told me he had to think about whether that was too much emotional labour.

So again I'm left feeling abandoned, lied to, and just hurt. I love him but I don't know how to trust him. And it just sucks.