My (31F) partner of seven months Alpine (30NB) broke up with me last week. In short, they’re moving back to their home country since they’ve finished their grad program and don’t want a comet situation. Despite this only being six months, it got serious fast because we had been friends for seven years and liked each other for years. I was head over heels for them. It’s been a devastating break up.

My partner of two and a half years, Redwood (35M) has recently been spending more time with this woman he’s been seeing for about four months. He now sees her the same amount of time he sees me, about once a week. They recently went on a trip together. We are parallel and I have not met her but I lent them my car for their trip to show her that I have only goodwill toward her, since I don’t know what her polyam experience is like.

For the first time ever in my 7 years of practicing polyamory, I’m feeling insecure. Not quite jealous, but insecure, as well as quite lonely since Alpine ended things. Despite taking a two trips together this summer, I’ve been seeing Redwood less. It used to be twice a week and now it’s once a week. I understand he needs to make room for my meta as they have been dating for awhile now and I’ve actively encouraged him to do so.

I made a post last week asking if it’s ethical to lean on Redwood for support and it seems the conventional poly wisdom is no. Redwood says he doesn’t mind because he views it as any other sad event that happens in my life that I need support on but I can just tell he’s gotten bored of it and tired of me texting with him. To be clear I’m not texting about the break up, just life stuff. He doesn’t really like texting to begin with. I also don’t want to rain on his parade of NRE with my meta.

I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve been reaching out to friends more but the loneliness feels consuming regardless. And I’m missing my time with Redwood. Suddenly my secure attachment has reverted back into anxious attachment. Any advice?