Initial post: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/0SyNlwLIdo

Thanks to y’all for the sanity check. I was spiraling pretty good.

We talked and she’s has just been elsewhere. A lot of bottled up feelings about difficult family stuff. Says she’s not even mastrubating. Seems really depressed.

We agreed that I’d stop making bids for physical intimacy, and she’ll initiate when she wants it so that I’m not feeling quite so rejected. In the meantime, we’re just gonna have platonic hangs and are gonna focus on doing stuff that will help with her mental health and getting away from the depressive spiral - getting exercise together, getting outside, dancing, connecting with mutual friends, etc. I’m looking for ways to help her find more time for herself also. She doesn’t have laundry machines so I’m picking up her laundry on one of our dates and returning it in the next so that she can reclaim the hours she spends at the laundry mat every week. Also bringing some prepared meals for her every week to help her get more time and space for feeling her feels.

I feel so loved and respected and honored after talking with her, and I’m really glad to have clear ways to help support her through a tough time. She was so compassionate towards me and I’m really humbled by her vulnerability in sharing what she’s going through.

Thanks for talking me down, and inspiring curiosity in my approach, and especially to those of you who did that with some tenderness and care.