I know, I know, one of those posts from people who played with fire and got burned, now complain about it. But in addition to being hurt by how this came about, I am also really worried about her. I think she's suffering from severe NRE, exacerbated by just very recently having a string of really bad partners. I would actually be willing to accept this and be happy for her, had she not pulled out of our poly arrangement so suddenly (well, sudden to me obviously, assuming not so sudden to her). Her interpretation of "poly doesn't work, and I love another" is no intimacy with me, no emotional involvement beyond "good friends" and continuing nesting with me. I have paid for everything since the day we married, she has never worked, so nesting with me means I will continue providing for her lifestyle while she is in love with another guy and a good friend to me.

She is willing to burn bridges, including divorcing me after having been married to me for 30 years, and this may be just silly me clinging to some unsubstantiated hope, but I just can't wrap my head around her falling for the guy she's known for less than 3 months and having had fun with him irl for couple days (this is relatively long distance). I suspect this is NRE hitting her hard. But what can I do as a nesting partner? Can I help her to process this somehow without it being invasive and intruding? I don't want to lose her, but I fear I might already have, just looking for ideas on how to make sure either way or idk stop feeling like I am in a free fall and do something.

Oh, and yes, obviously I have already asked her for an opinion on what's happening here. She doesn't have one. She didn't think this through, has no future plans, just desire to continue with the other guy, live with me and.. well basically give me nothing (except for the chores that she's always been doing)

I have used my end of the poly arrangement to hook up with people for playdates. Some of them more than once, but rarely, and I have no romantic partner. Wasn't really looking for one, tho wouldn't mind it. So, technically it's more like an open marriage, I guess, but she wanted to classify it as polyamory, so she has the right to fall in love with someone. And now that she has, I guess it's not polyamory anymore. I hope you guys okay with me posting it here, since I can't find a better place to post about NRE.

Opinions? Words of wisdom? I'll take anything at this point