prefacing by saying, this is bit of an update from this post. tldr - family disowned me, partner was under a lot stress relating to our relationship and we broke up.

my former partner and i though have finally talked about our feelings in a mature and rational way. we were able to point out while we still love and care for each other deeply, we have no real romantic feelings for each other. we're still incredibly close as friends, and i would consider them the closet thing i have to a sibling now.

who loves antidepressants? i really do, but i dont like zoloft anymore. tomorrow i'm talking to my doctor to switch me or see how i do off medication. this point being that perhaps my pills were a huge factor in my bad mood swings and poor coping skills with everything that happened. i still take full reasonability for the actions i've done, but it helps a bit now to realize again that antidepressants are no joke.

the family side of things have been shaky, but i've completely cut them off from my life, and i am seeking therapy to start really feeling from all of this trauma they've caused me. basically, no change, but my family and i are no longer talking at all.

my feelings for polyamory still stand strong and i am still willing to experience and search for healthy relationships with amazing people.