I know there's no one right way to be polyamorous, but lots of wrong ones. I know that each relationship is different because each person is different. TL;DR - I have kitchen table with my partner Evan and his wife Luna (my best friend of 20 years) - and I do NOT want kitchen table with my partner's new partner, Rain.

I am "solo-poly" or at least that's what the internet tells me. I live alone, and intend to remain alone for the foreseeable future. I will never marry. Evan and Luna and I have been best friends since high school. One day Evan and I felt something shift between us, and we went immediately to Luna to talk about it. It took us YEARS to find our feet on this path, but we did. Ultimately, we just trusted that we all three had good intentions and just wanted to do the best we could by the others. Long term plans have evolved into them building their dream sustainable home in the woods with a secluded cottage for me.

It took a few years for Evan and Luna to decide to branch out into the real world and start seeing other other people, they both wanted to be really secure in themselves before exploring. It's been a wonderful journey for both of them so far and I have loved seeing each of them learn new things about themselves and each other as they go.

Evan met Rain and kinky things sparked immediately. They bring out parts of Evan that I think he never even knew he wanted to explore, parts neither Luna or I would ever have reached simply because of who we are. A very significant portion of Rain's personality is kink, and pain. They wanted to get to know me and we started chatting on telegram. While we did talk of silly nothings, they constantly wanted to engage in sexual conversation. They also placed demands on my communicating that I simply will not adhere to. [Respond quickly and thoroughly enough, or it triggers an insecurity that needs to be invalidated immediately.] I will never sign up for that in a relationship. I respect that Evan has, but I have not. I backed off communicating online completely.

I was invited to a weekend at their house for their birthday sex party. Rain has an expansive network of partners and metamours, and they are Kitchen Table AF. Everyone else was lovely and welcoming, but I felt from the moment I arrived that Rain was simply tolerating my presence for Evan's sake. I was allowed to be there to help, which required going to the store and doing all the heavy lifting due to Rain's physical limitations. I didn't mind that at all, but the constant feeling that every move I made was being catalogued was something I didn't like. I was also allowed to be there to witness Evan on Rain's arm at their party. I didn't mind that either, he was ecstatic and loved every minute of it. I mostly stayed off to the side and only interacted when asked directly. But Rain physically kept themselves between me and Evan at all times, before and after the party, and again I felt watched and leaving a pop can unattended for 5 minutes was added to the growing catalogue in their head. The next morning I awoke on the couch to them listing the litany of things others (but mostly me, if not by name) had done to disrespect them the day before. I left early with a silent door click. I WILL remove myself from situations I don't want to be in. Including Kitchen Table with Rain.

I want Parallel Poly. No direct texting, no weekends at their house. I want to see them at events with all four (or more) of us, the more the better. I love that Evan loves them. But I do not, and I don't have to.