I have been seeing Dan for the last couple months. We met online and I knew going in he was poly. I was already seeing someone in a ENM way, and was open to experiencing a poly relationship. He met 2 other women within a week of us meeting. So at this time he had 4 partners. Me, long distance partner, and the 2 new ones. When I say it was a full court press the entire time, I mean any reasonable sane person would have thought this was going well. He was attentive, affectionate, respectful, honest, patient, and communicative. Sex was outstanding, he introduced me to multiple orgasms and was enthusiastic and generous in bed. We saw each other at least 2-3 times every week since we met. He assured me he was satisfied with his relationships and happy. Literally until yesterday I had no clue anything was wrong. We went away together for an overnight trip. The vibe was off, I thought I was my paranoia getting to me and I wasn’t being fair to him, but something felt wrong. He was doing and saying all the right things but it was like his heart wasn’t in it. The very same minute we arrived back at his house he broached wanting to go unprotected with another partner, Liz. Something he and I had been doing since we had a condom accident our first night. I was taken aback and we discussed what it meant for us sexually and I couldn’t get a clear answer out of him. So I said ok, communicate with me when this happens so I can see how I feel. He assured me everyone and their metas were tested and no issues. He kissed me and said he loved me and I drove home. When I got home I asked him 3 things via text: was this what had been distracting him our whole trip? What about our relationship made him want to increase his risk factor? And lastly, I said that I had the strangest feeling all the way home that he’d hoped I’d be upset and end things with him. Not only was I right across the board, he then over the next couple hours waffled between apologizing and telling me I deserved more, to breaking down every word and gesture and act we shared and explaining how it was all fake, he was acting, he was too coward to end things so instead he kept ramping up the love bombing, that I was not worth the time and energy he was expending on me, that he wanted to concentrate on his other partners, we weren’t compatible, I tasted fishy, basically every moment was a lie. There was no part of what we had that he enjoyed other than my “insight and honesty”. Nothing else. Not one kiss or cuddle or date or meal or touch. Who does that to a person? Who fakes an entire relationship? He says he was relieved that I caught on so this didn’t drag out til December, when he deploys and his plan was to ghost me. I am terrified to not only try this again, but to try this in a poly setting where someone else has the chance to verbally compare me to his other partners and find me wanting. I can’t go back to monogamy because I don’t trust it. But at this point how do I not damage things with my other partner by losing all belief and questions his every motive and thought? How do I even get back up and try again with the utter shame of knowing that someone who dived down like it was his favorite meal face down in my business hated every second of it?