I've (26m) been interested in polyamory for years, with several periods of failed practice and learning through trial and error

My main problem is that twice I have allowed myself to enter into monogamous relationships I didn't want, with people who assured me they were poly and simply wanted time to work on our relationship first

I am currently in one, and am very unhappy overall. My partner has many good qualities such as being emotionally stable, sharing interests, and being very honest

At the same time, she is not very affectionate which has been extremely hard for me. I don't want to sound mean, but she is not very intellectual either, and I miss being able to have deep, intimate conversations with my close ones

I got into the relationship fully knowing that she would not be able to meet my needs, but also secure in the fact that I had 2 other people I was dating that made my life feel full

However she soon started implementing many rules and boundaries that made dating other people extremely stressful, and began to feel "not worth it" to me

So we became monogamous for a "trial period" of a few months, and every time I've brought up opening since then, she shoots it down. It's now been 2 years since I dated anyone else or was touched / spoken to in any kind of meaningful way

I felt so free in 2022 knowing I could express myself and sexuality around others. I was unlearning the rules of monogamy that'd made me unhappy for years and starting to find genuine compersion and joy for my partners

I had one partner with a long term nesting partner who helped me learn a lot about healthy poly communication and I miss her all the time. I grieve the future we could've had and what more I would've learned

Then getting into this relationship has felt like a huge backward step where I once again have to take on the assumptions of monogamy (unless it suits my partner).

Suffice to say, I am very unhappy. But at the same time I don't know if it's because my partner just isn't the right one, or because I genuinely desire multiple connections

I just can't imagine one person that is a match intellectually, physically, sexually, values-wise, and so on.

I don't think there's one person out there who could ever make me not want to date again. I would miss getting to know people, engaging with different personalities, love styles, and so on

But at the same time, there really is a limit on how much time and energy one can spend dating. And spreading your energy limits the depth you can go to with each person

Likewise, how can I know that someone else won't also find me "unsatisfying" and decide to date others more often or "replace" me because I don't fill the right roles for them?

I wouldn't want to do that to someone else, and so I certainly wouldn't want it to happen to me

So, what are some questions or advice to help decide if I truly am suited for polyamory in my life?

Please excuse any ignorance in my post <3

TL;DR

I messed up and acquiesed to a monogamous relationship after a freeing period of poly

I am unhappy on a regular basis because I know my partner and I aren't a good fit. Yet I wonder if I will ever be happy in monogamy if I met "the right person" or if I will constantly be craving more

I want to be a responsible adult and not hurt people by engaging in relationships lightly. Therefore I don't want to take on poly dating again unless I'm sure it is the right choice

What are some questions that have helped you decide?