My (42f) 2 year long relationship with my lover (50m) seems to be falling apart and I'm not sure how to fix it.

Its my first and only relationship since opening with my husband just over 2 years ago. We had some major challenges that impacted my trust for him last fall. Immediately following a night where he pushed my boundaries around condom use, he spent the night with a new person he was seeing (which we had never done) and then told me to drop my insecurities around it rather than being willing to talk it through. This experience has made me really nervous to talk about problems with him.

Since then he has become really expansive in the number of people he's dating as well as in casual hookups. I'm honestly happy for him in that, but I see things happening in those other relationships that have never been offered to me and it makes me sad.

As an example, our relationship is a secret. Only our partners and one set of friends know. His newer relationships are not. Another example is that we have always had to have our date nights on Fridays because his primary "gets" Saturdays, but now he is offering Saturdays to others.

I suppose I feel taken for granted, and I've not felt good about raising my concerns because they don't go over well. As a result I have high stress levels, am overthinking, and am growing in self loathing. Then when we drink together I unload and feel terrible after. I'm really low feeling.

Even when I do get to good mental places around this, I get thrown back into distrust at the slightest thing. It'll remind me of his broken agreements with his primary and make me question myself for trusting him.

I love this guy but I feel sniveling and pathetic in ways I don't anywhere else in my life. Before breaking up, I'd like to try making some specific asks for improvement around our relationship.

Looking for advice.