I'm not sure if I can do this for another six years, but I am so attached to my partner that I have been willing to let my mental health deteriorate.

Jealousy isn't something I struggle with, yet I have dealt with situational depression, a little bit of self harm, major stress from meta poor hinging drama, a breakdown in the middle of work that made my coworkers really worried, and a habit of ruminating about my relationship almost constantly.

It hasn't been all bad. ENM/polyamory helped my self image when my primary relationship was shaky and made me feel awful and sparked my partner's desire for me.

I don't know if dating and having sex with other people is worth the rollercoaster of this relationship, though. Polyamory is not something I want for myself. I don't think I am capable of developing feelings for multiple people at once, but I don't want to be mono/poly again because that was a god awful experience that set me up to feel taken for granted. Kinda hard to forget that your partner texted your ex meta about their relationship doubts with you ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY lol! Things are pretty good right now, but only for now because we're not super active with other people enough to rock the boat.