I (F48) have been poly for the past 3 years. I've recently broken up with my LD partner of 2 years after finding out he lied about basically everything. I miss him so much and have been contemplating finding someone else to talk to and connect with. However, I just keep wandering if there is something wrong with me. Why can't I be happy with the relationship ( happily married for 25 years) I do have? I look around and just see so many monogamous people. Seemingly happy. Why can't that be me? I know I need to give myself time to heal but I'm just so fucking lonely and heartbroken. I should add that I am so scared of rejection that I NEVER put myself out there so even writing this wreaks of desperation, hurt, frustration, stupidity...