It’s silly, it’s mononormative, and it’s really, I think, just a reflection of the experience of folks who open their mono relationship, and their fears, mostly (though I think it happens, and I bet it’s hurtful)

I think we have villainized folks who simply choose monogamy, and maybe we shouldn’t?

1. most people who try polyam don’t like it. They will return to monogamy, or discover a different flavor of ENM that serves them better. Many couples use polyam as a detour on the road to splitsville. Divorce and endings are common.

2. Monogamy is compelling, I guess. When people fall in love, apparently offering some sort of exclusivity, both sexual and emotional is what feels good. People have sex, catch feels for the new person, and break up with their OG partner and decide they want monogamy with their new person. So what?

3. Your broken marriage isn’t healed by polyam. If you opened with significant issues around sex or intimacy, as a fix, don’t be surprised when folks fall in love, and decide to get gone.

Especially when someone is less enthusiastic, and/or unhappy in polyam. And I am not talking PUD, I’m just talking common “I said yes, but I don’t like it, and I would prefer monogamy”

Don’t be surprised when after years of being saturated at one, they decide to date, and fall in love and return to monogamy.

can we just talk about break ups hurting,instead?

Or address the very real fear that your partner can, indeed fall in love and end your relationship every single day?

Edit: I have been offered monogamy so. many. times. I just said “no”.