Hi all. New to poly, have been open to dating poly/ENM folks for a year, with varying success but I recently met someone I've fallen for hard. Over the weekend he had his first date since we've been seeing each other (besides his long distance partner) and they had sex. After he told me I basically had a panic attack. I know I have anxious/avoidant attachment style which makes this an especially difficult mindset shift.

I'm calling around to get in to see a therapist (better late than never I guess) and I'm going to the bookstore tonight to get Polysecure and see what other books they have.

What I'm struggling with the most is that I feel like it's a sign he's not feeling as strongly as I am right now. He was really reassuring before the date saying that it doesn't change our relationship and that it's not a sign he's unfulfilled and it was comforting to a point. I keep going back to the "why", why he wanted to go on a date, why he wanted to have sex with her. I also am struggling with the proximity, we had sex the day before and I happened to go to visit him right after she left and I got really disturbed by the idea that he probably didn't shower and she had just been there.

I am hoping to hear other people's success stories with anxious attachment and any actions I can take to mitigate the physical effects of my anxiety (I already exercised/talked with friends/had a massage but my body still feels tense and quesy).