hello all, new here...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I [f/26] have found a woman [f/22], that i am currently dating. We are not official due to me wanting to take it slow and see where it goes. No pressure, lets just see if we click. Ya know. We’ve been dating for 3 months now. She has a boyfriend [m/24] of 3 years. We are in a Vee structure. Her boyfriend and i get along really well . The reason it works for us is because we have a similar view of our Vee structure. I'm not threatened by him because I'm a woman and he's a man, there is not comparison or competition haha. But anyways, the woman, has been raped a few times AND molested from 5/6-12 years old. As you can imagine, she has some issues (to put it lightly) with physical touch at times. Sexual assault aside she is also shy so she freezes up with me as it relates to voicing her attraction to me. She’ll tell everyone else but not me because i make her nervous. Though all of her reactions make sense, ultimately how i feel is kind of low in confidence - physically and in interacting with her because i don't want to make the wrong move and her tell me not to touch her. It'd hurt even though i know why she is saying it in that moment. I feel loved through physical touch, and verbal affection at the least. Especially during the beginning stages of dating reassurance of your desire and attraction is important for a lot of people. I've communicated this to her and shes gotten better and telling me how beautiful she thinks I look when i see her, tell me she misses me, etc. I tell her all the time how beautiful she is, and what i love about her daily. I don't need her to but it's like pulling teeth to have her tell ME.

But tonight she was breastfeeding on the couch. When she was comfortable and settled I went to rub/hold her free hand and she didn't snap at me but she sort of did… because she told me not to hold her hand due to her having the baby on her and it's a lot of contact for her right now. Which i think is fair, but how she said it was along the lines of a mother scolding/warning her child to not ask/do something they hate them doing, and already pre-annoyed by the possibility. It hurt a bit - even if i understood her being over-stimulated.

She has also told me that her boyfriend isn't very touchy but she compromises with me. COMPROMISES. I hate that she used that word. If you don't want to do something, don't because if you are doing something simply for my benefit, i don't want it. It's not pleasurable/pleasant if i know how much you are hating it 😅Dont get me wrong, again, she has a right to her body - not the issue.

The issue is just how it's being communicated i guess - her overall interactions with me

This is more of a rant. Because, as mentioned, i have spoken to her about it. I really don't want to have to bring it up again because i feel so vulnerable when i tell a loved one I'm not feeling loved or desired - and after i still am made to feel inadequate and undesirable.

But any advice you may find helpful as it relates to dating someone with SA trauma and/or isn't a big physical touch person?

Idk Idk.