update: thanks everyone for talking with me. it did help me process my feelings and get to sleep. i figured out a lot about myself, like my last partner probably messed me up more than i was admitting to myself, and that i dont really want that from my girlfriend. i like how we are and just want a different type of partner as well. also that my situation is actually pretty common. also while im editing ill clarify that by top i meant giver/reciever not Domme/sub.

my girlfriend, exclusive bottom, has been talking about topping recently and i tried not to hope she meant me but now im crying so i guess i hoped anyway.

i am my girlfriends only partner, romantic or sexual. i finally brought up asking who she was thinking shed top and she said shed find someone random on an app. she asked why and i said i wondered if shed been meaning me. she said shed never considered topping me, that we just dont have that dynamic, and shed want it to be someone else.

ive been sexually active for 15 years and never been able to attract a top. ive been with plenty of bottoms. quite a few self proclaimed switches have come on to me pretending to want to top me but they just end up bottoming.

i know this isnt the best place to ask about this kind of thing but i just needed to out my thoughts down somewhere so i could sleep. im probably just reactive but after all this time thinking shes been hinting at me i feel like i dont want to hear about her desire to top anymore. i dont want her to know that it hurt me though its pointless.

i really want someone to want me the way i need to be wanted. i didnt think id be in another relationship where id hope for it and end up crying. she hasnt ever been interested in topping, i thought i was safe from this feeling, but suddenly while dating me she becomes interested in trying it.