Lately I have found myself rejecting the idea that in polyamorous relationships, different partners are there to fill different needs. I believe that your needs are your needs and if you’re not getting them met in a relationship to the point of resentment, there may be fundamental incompatibilities with you and your partner. I see this again and again with monogamous couples opening their relationship because they’re not getting their needs met, realizing that their relationship just isn’t working in its own right, and breaking up.

Sure, I love being able to have one partner to watch Star Trek with and the other partner to go to techno shows with, but those aren’t what I consider to be needs. I’m enjoying different interests I share with different partners. Needs are things like quality of time spent together, physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc. Both of my partners meet these needs.

I am polyamorous because I want myself and my partners to have the ability to pursue meaningful connections without restrictions on who and how we can love, not to get specific needs met by different people.

Thoughts?