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M43. I’ve been happily married for 12 years. We opened up about two years ago in part because I’ve always had more of an interest in sex and physical intimacy than my wife.
While we are mismatched on this front, everything else has always been great: shared values about how we wanted to raise our kids. Similar goals. All that good stuff.
Here’s the problem. While I’ve generally become accustomed to the limited physical affection my wife has been comfortable offering, now that I’m getting it elsewhere from other people, I’m starting to resent the fact that it has been and still is mostly absent from my marriage.
I know I should be grateful that my wife has given me this opportunity to get it from other people. I understand that rationally. Yet I find myself increasingly angry with her for not giving it to me herself. I love her so much and this is not a dealbreaker for me. But I need to find a way to go back to being mostly OK with limited physical affection in my marriage. I’m finding it hard and would love some advice.
if we had to go back to monogamy, I would do so in a heartbeat
The other partners you have are actual human beings with real feelings and emotions, not just dolls you throw in a box in the back of the closet whenever you want. If any partner of mine told me I was this disposable to them, I'd be fucking devastated and dump you.
so i'm coming from a different place but i feel like it's connected. when i was single and didn't date much, someone not being verbally affectionate didn't bother me because i was used to not having it. like it was just part of dating.
recently, however, i broke up with someone because they weren't super verbal about affection. it wasn't a need that i was missing. i have two partners that are very verbally affectionate. the problem was the opposite; i knew how much i enjoyed verbal affection, and i wasn't getting it.
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My heart hurts for your other partners. They deserve better.