Most days, I meet my reflection with kindness, embracing both my physical appearance and the contributions I make to society. However, there are moments when the mirror becomes a canvas for my inner critic, highlighting imperfections. My journey in Ethical Non-Monogamy has made these self-critical moments more apparent - and perhaps also more frequent. But I am trying to approach them as opportunities for growth and self-acceptence.

What triggers my inner self-critic most is the fear that my partner's other partners might be perceived as 'better' or 'more perfect' than me. This idea, influenced by toxic societal standards that often value women based on their appearance, drives me to hyperfocus on different aspects of myself for perceived 'improvement'.

Although I reject this harmful construct, I am worried that others do subscribe to it. As a result, I can spend hours searching for strategies to thicken and lengthen my hair or browsing for sexier underwear. I excersize more rigorously to obtain the perfect figure and get angry at myself for eating the sugar-rich brownie that comes with my morning coffee. I feel conflicted in these moments, frustrated with myself, as deep down I know that the road to perfection leads nowhere.

I am aware of the fact that my inner critic is irrational and try to counter her voice with positive affirmations ("I am beautiful, I am strong, I am worthy of love, I express love in everything I do"). I also know that my partners find me beautiful and love me for who I am. But somehow, my heart and mind tend to fall in this rabit hole over and over again.

Does this resonate with anyone? How do we get out of there?

Lots of love!

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