I (30m) am feeling it a bit today. My partner (26NB) and I opened up recently and it's been an uphill battle, which was expected. I honestly am just feeling a bit overwhelmed with emotions right now.

I am coming to the hard realization of just how enmeshed I am. My partner is building a connection she met shortly after opening and is going on a date tonight and I'm trying to think of something to do with my time, and for the life of me I am honestly struggling. I live in Seattle too so there isn't a shortage of things to do. I'm just not sure what sounds fun right now and part of that is probably because when I envision fun, I envision it with my partner. Restaurants, museums, activities, walks.

I've been extremely career driven the past 5 years so between work and my previous monogamous relationship, I've almost completely lost touch with myself and what I really like, what brings me joy. I play a lot of video games but sometimes I feel like I do that to pass the time. I'm definitely feeling activated from my partner going on a date since it's still so new, but I think I'm also feeling pretty down since I feel like I barely know myself anymore.

We are still fairly new to the area as well so I haven't made any friends and I'm honestly not sure how best to do that. I know this new relationship style is probably exactly what I needed to help me work through this massive discomfort of getting back in touch with myself and healing my anxious attachment wounds, but it doesn't make it any easier. I know with my partner going on dates, time and personal effort will make it easier. I just want to start living a full life myself and I just don't know where to really start. I want to lean on my partner so much but I know I can't and it's terrifying, especially to my body.

Thanks for reading and any support is appreciated. It's not the end of the world, just a difficult day