Why the fuck is anyone assuming he won't sit down with me? This is a SUPPORT post. I felt things and needed to share it somewhere so I came here. We had a great date night and.we talked. We're good.  

Thank you. 

He actually shows affection very well, and I absolutely believe his actions (and some of these responses have been cringe making all sorts of false assumptions about him)... But I want affectionate words, too, and he has a very hard time expressing himself verbally. 

We talked and he is trying on some things, but the one about initiating more just isn't something he can handle. 

I just want to love him as he is and not ask him to be someone else for me. He never asks me to change and I'm a handful. 

I have already thanked him for being honest and direct with his reply to me. I needed that. 

He's not lukewarm about me. We've had an amazing nearly 4 years together, but there is a communication gap. I want words of affirmation and he's not a words person. During NRE I didn't care so much, but now I do. 

Thank you for the edit. Yes, it's ok for me to feel things and talk about those feelings. Now I have to hold space for his feelings about my feelings... 

I have felt more comfortable and in my own skin with Paul thsn I have with any previous partners. So much so that when I meet new people now, I can be myself very quickly. He has accepted me for me in all of my neurodivergence from day one. I want to fully accept him for him and not ask him to be someone he's not. 

I do give feedback, but I'm not good at being direct enough. I will say things indirectly and hope he understands and I know that's bad. That's why I wrote things down the way I did this time. To help me really say it, instead of hinting.

I have rarely felt I had to walk on eggshells with Paul. There have been a couple of times when he had deeply personal things going on, but nothing to do with me.

We have a date tonight. That's why I made myself send it this morning. 

I hope that knowing that he is saying No to what I'm asking for will give me the kick in the ass I need to stop projecting this on him. After all, we are polyamorous. He didn't sign up to be my everything. 

I've been looking at dating apps quite a bit lately, and I think that's why I want to help him with his.

There are specific traits that he would love to have in a person that I don't have (shared hobbies) and I'm sure he'd love to have a partner with a lower sex drive than me.

He is into me. He just isn't good at saying it, and I don't think he's interested in changing that about himself. 

This is an advice board. 

No, I did not document all of the amazing ways he's been good to me (and my family) for nearly four years. I documented the problems in hope of some supporting comments.