Totally. I already have plans for both evenings. I'm just...pissed at having been what feels like temporarily vetoed

She doesn't date. She can, but she doesn't.

This is not beyond the possible. How would you suggest asking him this without it seeming accusatory?

I've thought this too. But I wonder how else he could have framed not being able to spend time together at this conference. He couldn't really say...I don't want to see youvthose days...without seeming like a jerk. I'm genuinely curious being newish to poly what good hinging would look like here.

Nope. 26 years in...

I'm going to go meet the wife, but not in time for the conference. I think you're right though in how this was framed to her.

Fact

I really truly do not understand how 2 nights at a business trip in seperate rooms crosses the emotional boundary but 8 hour dates every couple weeks does not.

Yeah I think this is it. Like...he plays this off as "just sex" and doesn't tell her about the intimacy. I just don't know how it would even be possible to believe that after 8 hour dates every 2 weeks for a year and a half we wouldn't have emotional intimacy.

I'd say they're more open than poly. This has been showing up lately in loads of ways. I'm more poly but this is my first and really only relationship since opening summer 2022. We've never done an overnight but he says she's open to it so I am very confused about this being an exception. I'm angry and hurt and feel lied to and betrayed because he us the one who said "I love you" first and who, when I initially said I didn't want expectations on the confer3nce trip said I could have some. I'm pissed off and I just want to scream because I no longer know how to make sense of any of this.

It feels so yuck and I'm realizing it's exactly this. He originally approached this relationship as poly imo. Being super emotionally present and available, saying I love you, prioritizing dates, telling me how much he missed me between. Now he's seeming more on the open end of things and I'm not loving the withdrawal but I think it's what wife always expected whereas my husband is more poly too. What do you figure "open" folks would say about this situation?

I'm definitely not sure he's not telling stories

She has dated and slept with people in that time. She hasn't dated in like at least 17 years though.

I've been dating him for a year and a half so its not that. But primary is suddenly raising issues with us hanging out while we're happening to be away together.

I mean, we have seperate rooms. But they would be night time dates. Whoch is what we normally have but he goes home to her at the end.