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A decade-ish ago, I saw a KimchiCuddles cartoon about "kitchen table poly". I loved it. I was somewhat new to polyam then, and it was a clever/cute description of what had sort of grown organically in my 'cule.
The first time I saw it spoken about in the same breath as unicorn hunters was in this group, and my initial reaction was a complete: "WTF?" But then I read why that person saw it as problematic and I couldn't disagree that coercing people into "friendly" relationships with one's partners is pretty F'ed up.
Is that actually happening in the wild, though? I have literally never met anyone who experienced "coercive" kitchen table polyamory, and my meatspace polyam community is not small.
And I want to be super clear here. My partners and metamours often sit around a kitchen table, and also this has never ever ever been a requirement or even a "strong suggestion" or anything remotely similar. We all hold our personal autonomy and freedom as one of our highest values, and those of us who sit around a kitchen table together genuinely enjoy doing so. I have at least one metamour who rarely comes around, and I'm not mad about it nor is anyone else.
Anyway, I just keep seeing posts about this, and wanted to ask. It's been bugging me for a long time.
So I don't really think anyone really openly says "Welcome to my kitchen table polycule! If you don't get along with my three evil partners and the dastardly metamors they bring, then I'll MAKE you get along with them." However, in a lot of spaces I've been in, there's definitely an assumption that kitchen table polyamory is the goal.
In my own life, I definitely have pushed this idea on my poor partner Vesper, who honestly doesn't get along with most people. After trying and failing to get them to get along with my other partner Theia, I eventually stopped and it was... fine? And while I certainly get along with my metamor Knot, I've had to set boundaries because I realized that I was getting the same feelings I've had around unicorn hunters.
Like always, the problem is really with assuming that any way of doing things is the right way. Kitchen table polyamory works for some people, but it certainly doesn't for everyone. Assuming that it's the ultimate goal for everyone is going to lead to some people having issues.
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