In late August, my wife was pressured to have sex without a condom by her year long boyfriend. She did not, but the incident triggered a massive trauma response in her. She missed many days of work, shut down at many points, wouldn't let him touch her, yelled at me.. The incident had a huge effect on our relationship and on my own mental health, work and other relationship. I had to do a lot of work, in therapy and alone, to get myself back. I feel like we are only now getting back to normal as a couple.

The issue is she wants to start dating, and hooking up with, other people, and I'm worried this will happen again. My wife sometimes does BDSM and also, meeting up with strangers is always risky. There are lots of opportunities for triggering in there.

I'm trying to determine what boundaries and agreements might be appropriate?

My current boundary with her BF who caused the trauma is that I no longer want to hear much about the relationship, am not here for support for her in it and am not cleaning up any mess from it. I am firm on this, even if it hurts me and her.

Obviously, if something really bad happened to my partner or she was hurting, I would want to be here for her. At the sametime, I just can not go through what I just went through again.

Thoughts?