I get it. I'm married. My wife and I date separately. So I'm a tethered man, I get that I'm like the least desirable type.

Actually not as much as you may think.

That you're married tells other people "at least one other person has vetted this man and deemed him acceptable to associate with intimately." Having a partner to back you up as a guy is very helpful in the poly dating world (put a pin in that.)

I'm fit, I think I'm funny, I think my messages are pretty cool and fun and flirty. But after a few weeks of trying on the apps, I still have no responses, let alone dates!

Yeaaahhh that works on Grindr and basically nowhere else.

Apps are not places to go for fast results as a man unless you have literally no standards for yourself and that is not healthy.

Troubleshooting checklist for app dating for men:

1. Pictures - Are your pictures good? Are they well lit? Do you seem approachable? Do you have photos with some other people in them?

2. Text - Is your description something that is actually interesting to other people? Are there points at which people can ask questions about? Are you putting in a ton of negativity in your descriptions? Are you being clear about what it is you're looking for? Are you demonstrating actual awareness of poly dynamics or are you giving "cheater" vibes?

3. Peer Review - Show your profile to someone else (your wife would be a good start) and ask them for their honest feedback. Ask the women in your life for feedback and pay attention to what they say.

Back to the pin, you have an incredible ally - your wife. Again, a man who is married is a big sign that this person is worth paying at least some attention to. Keep in mind, it is not her job to find you a partner nor is it her responsibility so this is something you should talk to her about, see how she would feel, what her thoughts might be, and be prepared for her to say "I'm not comfortable doing that."

Poly events are going to be a big way to meet more poly people and, again, being married is a plus.