I was in a loving relationship where we were very committed to each other for years. This is my first polyamorous relationship, by default I had adapted to it since this person was already poly. It was going great, I encouraged her to meet and date other people since I’m an introvert and need space sometimes.

She recently met someone wonderful and in only 4 months they decided to buy a house together. This other partner of hers is objectively better than me in every way. She’s more mentally stable, financially stable, she’s in better shape, she had a happy healthy childhood and has a completely secure personality. It used to be whenever my girlfriend and I had problems we’d work through it and come out stronger. Now every time we have conflict she says she wants to leave me. Before she met her other partner, she had never said things like that. It was out of the question, we were so committed - that type of thinking wasn’t even entertained. I feel like I’m a burden and dead weight now. I look so shitty compared to this perfect partner she found, they’re more compatible and in sync. She’s inevitably going to leave me and has recently made that pretty clear. I’ve been spiraling with depression and anxiety. My abandonment issues are making me feel so dysregulated. My dysregulated behavior just makes me even more undesirable. It’s like no matter how hard I try, I can’t live up to her expectations anymore. All of her needs are met now and exceeded with this other person.

The 3 of us have been talking about how we’re going to be a happy little family living together under one roof. They’ve been going above and beyond in making sure to include me in the house buying process. I didn’t think it’s a good idea since they haven’t known each other that long but my girlfriend basically said “tough shit, I’m doing it anyways!”. I didn’t have any choice but to get on board. I’ve been going with it because I love this woman more than anything and I really enjoy both of their company. Every time she tells me she wants to leave, I’m not just losing her but I’ll be losing this little family and nice home that we dreamed of having together. I’ve already lost enough family in my life to death and bigotry. These two don’t even know what that’s like. My partner and I used to talk about how we want to be together forever and how committed we are to each other. Now that someone better has come along I’m being thrown in the trash.

I feel so worthless and ugly. Life is unfair. This is incredibly painful, it makes me not want to be alive. I’m too baby to follow through with suic*de but I will be daydreaming about it constantly until I get over this. I used to really enjoy polyamory and all the love that can be shared and experienced but with large amounts of love can come an equal amount of pain. When she dated other people and had other relationships, it wasn’t ever a threat to us so I didn’t see this coming.

I don’t know what to do. I just hate life right now. I could really use a pep talk or someone to talk to if anyone out here is listening. We haven’t split but I’ve been dumped before and I know what’s coming.

Poly people of Reddit, has something like this happened to you? How do you cope? I enjoyed polyamory but fear I won’t be able to in the future after this. The pain is too unbearable.