I’ve been married for 11 years and my wife and I decided to recently open up our marriage. She immediately met a guy she fell hard for.

It’s only been two months but she is super into him. She buys lingerie for him, has gone out of her way to look great for him. Buys him gifts. And is super horny for him. None of which she does for me.

I am incredibly attracted to my wife in all ways. I am genuinely happy that she has this new thing. But I am feeling really crushed about her lack of attraction toward me. I know she loves me. We have a great partnership and are open and close in so many ways. But I adore her and pine for her and want her sexually in a way that feels not so different that when we were young and dating. I think that I thought she had just closed the door to that energy. But now I see that it’s only closed to me. And she said it’s probably not going to open again.

So I’m lusting after someone who is lusting after someone else. But she happens to be my wife. We Do have semi regular sex, so I’m starting to feel like we are heading toward a loving roommate situation Sthay have sex once in a while.

Additionally when she sees her guy, she is all hopped up on the good feelings for about a day (which is often when she wants to have sex with me). Then after about a day she falls into a deep cycle of anxiety and depression about her guy. And stays that way until she sees him again. During that time she is completely closed to any sort of sexual activity with me. And has told me that she can’t have sex with me because she’s feeling too sad about not seeing him. Which makes me feel terrible and seems like a pretty toxic cycle for our relationship.

I should also mention that I’m seeing a couple of people. I have fun with them and they are attractive to me in their own ways, but I still maintain a huge attraction toward my wife.

Anyway my take is that my needs are not being met in this relationship with my wife. I need to feel like I’m sexually attractive to her. Not that I’m just a great and reliable partner. We’ve spoken about this but the talks have not gone well.

So I guess my question here to other folks is, has anyone been in any similar type of situation and come out the other end in better shape? My hope is that by turning on her sexual desire for someone else, it will get tuned back on for me. I’m starting to think that’s foolish. But has anyone else experienced that? To have a rekindling of desire as a side effect of a metamour?

Thanks for any advice.