my partner and i both have a lot of trauma around intimacy, and at the start of the relationship, i entered into it in a bit of a manic state (i am likely bipolar) which had residual hypersexuality with it.

my partner shut down intimacy due to needing to work through trauma, which facilitated a discussion around polyamory. turns out we are both polyamorous, but were too scared to discuss it.

long story short, i ended up hooking up with a friend a week ago, and realised just how… much i hate sex with anyone who is not my partner when im not manic. ive been on antipsychotics while i wait to see a psychiatrist and also went back on birth control, both of which regulate my mood, and holy shit sex is overrated.

i guess this is a small celebration for me, because i always denied my demisexuality to myself to keep guys around. now that i dont have that, and am in a healthy enough relationship to understand that, i feel… relieved. there are no arguments about no sex, and its comfy. my sex drive has always been lower than that of my past partners’, and it only started up ticking when i would be insanely manic. if i were to have sex again, itd probably be with another partner, which feels comforting :)