My NP and I are most likely breaking up soon. Trying to do conscious uncoupling/ de-escalation/ disentanglement, but every time we sit down to talk the last several weeks it's been emotional & heavy. Things just aren't working with communication, we're not aligning on life values, he's broken our rule on barrier protection multiple times in the past and have tried to move forward but it's not happening.

He is still living with me in the apartment I had before we got together, but has been planning to go back home to be with his family in a diferent city for the winter but there's been a lot of uncertainty about when... Today I finally asked if we could have a timeline and after some emotional "I can be gone tomorrow" on his part and me saying I just wanted to be practical because it will take time to disentangle, I asked if the end of the month would be ok and he said yes.

What's bringing up some strong emotions right now is that he had made plans to see a FWB who he has seen about 3 times since mid Sept to see her tonight. I said I felt weird about him coming home to me while things are not good with us and knowing he's been with someone else, and said I'd prefer if he stayed elsewhere. However, she's married and he can't stay there... So I asked him before he left if he's ok sleeping on the couch and he said yes. And that just feels fucking shitty... like he'd rather choose intimacy with this person who is practically a stranger than make the most of the last of our time together and it just shows me he values sex with her more than our almost 3 year relationship. I know I'm the one who made the decision to ask him not to sleep in the bed with me but it still hurts that he is actively choosing her.

We have not been very intimate with each other lately (as is kind of natural when you're not feeling emotionally great towards someone), and that's part of it... And I am just feeling angry and upset and I having thoughts about how ugly she is (which I know is not healthy)... Really I just needed to vent and get out some heavy emotions. I know some of my thoughts/ actions are not the most productive or healthy but just feeling hurt and sad.