My partner (let's call them Coop) and I have been together for 8 months. We're both busy, so neither of us has dated anyone else seriously (we've slept with other people). But I know when I'm going to fall for someone, and I'm heading there with my housemate (call them Mel). We practice non-hierarchical polyamory, but only dating each other for the past 8 months I think is gonna create some teething pains.

It's not an ideal situation, and to add to the fun Mel has also dated, and fairly recently broken up with someone else in the house who's moving out next month. The other housemate is upset by the development, so we're all trying to manage it. I think it caught everyone by surprise. All the other housemates are for it; they've watched us cluelessly flirting for the last 2 months. Queer sharehouses, am I right??

My main concerns are on how I can ease Coop while they adjust to me having feelings for someone I live with and therefore see a lot. Coop lives on the same street as me, about 10 minutes up the road, so I still see them quite often.

Mel is also thinking they'll move out by the end of the year, so it's a relief to me that this situation is temporary – but 3 months is a long time in NRE land.

Things I would welcome advice on:

• How to manage NRE when I live across the hall from someone I'm down bad for
• How to keep my home still feeling like a safe space for Coop
• How to keep my home still feeling like a place of relaxation for me
• How to show Coop they're still a priority for me
• How to manage the situation more broadly, has anyone else experienced this? What did you do? Anything you'd do differently if you had the chance?
• Any other bits of advice/resources you can throw my way?

My partner is also quite self-protective and hasn't handled NRE well in their previous relationships, so they're quite suspicious of my capacity to cope with this. I feel very observed and a bit defensive, so any advice on how to handle the guilt/defensiveness of being the first person in a couple to get feelings outside of the relationship is welcome too!