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Does anyone else have issue with the "cool girl" (link, quote, below, basically, a person who is always happy, always game, makes no demands, and essentially changes their personality in order to be liked by their romantic interest) as a meta?
Yes, I know it's not a competition, but comparisons are inevitable. And I can see how appealing it is to have a partner who is always thrilled with every decision or suggestion you make (I am not that person--I have my own opinions and desires, and I speak up for myself).
I feel like my partners often find themselves with these Cool Girls, but they don't want to see them as Cool Girls, and just believe these women are being genuine while I sit back biting my tongue until it's bloody until at some point the harbored resentment explodes--best case--or the CG becomes a cowgirl--worst case.
It's hard even with awesome hinges, I often feel bad or frustrated vocalizing a negative opinion (no, I don't like that restaurant/activity/sex move) when I know the meta is always positive. And it sucks the most when I suspect they are doing it because they want to be the "preferred" partner (again, no fault of hinge).
If this resonates with anyone, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Quote and link:
https://genius.com/Gillian-flynn-gone-girl-cool-girl-monologue-book-annotated
Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)
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