I’ll try to keep this brief! I appreciate any stories of reIevant experience.

have been seriously dating my current partner Aspen for 2 years, we started dating before lockdowns and have always operated as polyamorous people. During lockdowns we were unable to see eachother and walked it back to being friends. We picked it up again when we could and talk often about a lifelong partnership together and how polya would fit with that for both of us.

I have another partner, Birch, who I met almost a decade ago and was friends with for a year before we started dating casually. Soon after that they began to date monogamously with one partner and then another (more openly). They lived abroad for 3 years and during that time I would see birch once or twice a year and there was still a spark. Birch has moved back to the area for the forseeable future and I am very excited to have them around as a friend and also to maybe pursue a romantic relationship with. Birch has not ended their relationship with their partner abroad nor do I want them to, they make eachother happy and likely share a long term life plan together. I am unsure that Birch wants to pursue a relationshipwith me at this time but am hopeful.

Aspen and Birch have become friends recently and spend time together outside of my company.

Aspen has known my history with Birch, my intentions with them, and has been supportive of us spending time together again while acknowledging that they still feel envy/jealousy.

I understand that people, their relationships, feelings, and priorities change with time. I would not want to act in a manner which would hurt Aspen or jeoporadize our future together. I am concerned that they may feel differently about being in a polyamorous relationship or my having another partner now that they are experiencing it. I am concerned that Aspen could feel obligated to maintain our polya status out of a similar fear.

I spoke with my therapist and she mentioned that Aspen could be experiencing a lack of congruence (acting in a manner that is outside of one’s comfort/priorities/desires) and that this can lead to resentment or relationship dissatisfaction. I would like to speak with Aspen about this further when i see them next to offer reassurance, listening, solutions or any help I can while maintaining my own congruence in my desire to preserve my relationship with Aspen and pursue a connection with Birch. I am perfectly okay with being patient enough to figure this out.

Has anyone had a similar scenario/conversation play out in their relationship? How did you handle it? Were there important questions you wish you had asked? Anything you know now that you wish you knew then?

Thanks